5.4.07
numb.
well i wish i could be. i dont even know what to feel anymore. like, i know HOW i SHOULD, and what i should think about things and how i should act and respond, but everytime he talks to me, i just want to yell and scream in hopes that maybe he'll feel a little bit guilty and understand WHY. i'm slightly disappointed in myself for letting my emotions take the reigns, i should know better than that. what happened? it always happens like that... it always comes out of no where... like, right now, i feel soo angry. i dont understand how people can say so many things over and over again and then be completely oblivious about it. like i'm sure i've said stuff to people that i didn't really mean, however, i'm usually intoxicated and i don's remember anyway. but like, he's saying things and i'm pretty sure he knew that i believed him and then what?... NOTHING. like... really, absolutely NOTHING.
fucking flirtbags.
he's not even good looking.
fucking flirtbags.
he's not even good looking.
6.3.07
hello old friend.
facebook notes? can't compare to the beauty of an old school blog. first post in a long time and i have to be up in less than 5 hours. but i suppose sacrifices can be made. however, i obviously shouldnt have sacrificed that study time for stats becuase apparently i'm pretty retarded.
i don't know what i'm doing anymore. my indecisiveness is ruining me and i'm leaving the people closest to me behind. why? and i'm conscious of the fact taht i'm not even trying anymore. so why don't i try? ...i... don't know... why don't i try?
im tired of trying. why should i try when the outcome is fractionally better at most. where am i going? right now, it looks like no where.
"please, please! take me with you to the land of glory, prestige and happiness. where you can sit on your high-up thrones and look down your noses at the rest of the world! i just want to belong!"
(0) comments
i don't know what i'm doing anymore. my indecisiveness is ruining me and i'm leaving the people closest to me behind. why? and i'm conscious of the fact taht i'm not even trying anymore. so why don't i try? ...i... don't know... why don't i try?
im tired of trying. why should i try when the outcome is fractionally better at most. where am i going? right now, it looks like no where.
"please, please! take me with you to the land of glory, prestige and happiness. where you can sit on your high-up thrones and look down your noses at the rest of the world! i just want to belong!"
12.11.06
god. lately it seems like all i'm doing is crying over all of this stupid stupid shit and i dont know why. like, i know its retarded, but i still want to give a fuck? am i expecting too much from people? like, fuck. all i really want is honesty. don't say you're going to do something and change your mind about ever five minutes. i, too, have things to do.
maybe i dont try hard enough. do i take too much and not give enough? that would make sense is suppose. maybe i'm too fucking needy. why should i be the only one to sacrifice my time and effort. if you're not willing to put anything into this then maybe i don't need you or whatever you have to offer.
i'll sit and i'll listen to you go on and on and on. but never, ever, once is there "so, how are you?"
i just want someone to listen to me and not judge me on what i have to say.
(0) comments
maybe i dont try hard enough. do i take too much and not give enough? that would make sense is suppose. maybe i'm too fucking needy. why should i be the only one to sacrifice my time and effort. if you're not willing to put anything into this then maybe i don't need you or whatever you have to offer.
i'll sit and i'll listen to you go on and on and on. but never, ever, once is there "so, how are you?"
i just want someone to listen to me and not judge me on what i have to say.
