31.5.04
random thoughts
sometimes you just feel so restrained so held back by people and society and your own actions that you dont know what to do. you know where you wanna go and how you wanna get there but you never seem to be able to execute the plan. its so frustrating sometimes. you'll practice a certain aspect day after day and soon it turns routine and then when the time comes for you to put it into action you freeze up and you do shit all. maybe its just insecurities but there has to be more. fear. fear holds you back and theres nothing you can do about it sometimes. it can hurt you, and it'll make your breath stop and your heart cease and in the end, you're further back than where you started from. and people look to self pity and pity from others. call them weird, call them attention whores or attention starved but they're calling out and no one can see it. everyone just wants to be noticed, even if it's just for a little while. and sure you 'notice' people but do you really? i dont understand sometimes. and you and your mocking looks and glares of inferiority, i dont have to take it, but i do. i sit there and i just let it all hit me. you know why? neither do i. its worthless to try and change it but sometimes thats all you want to do; to change your life so that you dont have to put up with the worthless crap that you get from people everyday, from the people that claim that there's nothing there to change. it all falls back to insecurites and how people rely on them to fit in. im too fat. im too skinny. i stupid. ive got bad skin. im too dark, too light. too fucking retarded to see beyond it. i dont know sometimes i wish that we lived in a blind world
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24.5.04
oka so i should be studying physics but i cant focus right now so im just gonna blog. yeah i dont know sometimes i feel sorry for this friend of mine. well not really sorry, but yea i dont know what it is. i know he can do so much better, i know he can but he just doen't see it. and there's nothing i can say to help him persevere. i can't stand the fact that he's throwing his future away for nothing. i really dont understand why he would do something like that, all for nothing. i know he's under pressure but isnt everyone? like all of these obstacles are given to us to overcome arnt they? what would we do if everytime someone came to an obstacle they just gave up? the human race would surely be doomed. so im just saying if you see this, you know who you are, dont give up, i know you can pull through if you keep trying, and im sorry about your puppy, but you need to know that there are people who care about you and that dont want you to throw your life away for nothing.
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22.5.04
it has begun...
the cycle... the vicious cycle that always leads back to the same place. always. i dont want it to happen again but it seems so inevitable and it seems different this time. but it seems different everytime. i dislike this decission making thing.
sometimes i stare at the bed
knowing that no one's there
something is telling me
that you feel the way i do
i dream of you all the time
wishing that you were mine
i'm feeling so empty
hoping you think of me
i need you here tonight
if i'm all alone
and you're all alone
ain't nothing wrong having someone to hold
your tender touch
it means so much
cause it feels so right having someone to hold
it's very plain to see
i want you next to me
give me your hand
and i'll try to understand
i love you so, i can't let you go
cause ain't nothing wrong having someone to hold
every now and then
i get to wondering
are you with someone else
or could you be by yourself
i turn on the tv
it's a picture of you and me
and i'm going crazy
cause i miss my baby
i want you here tonight
i love you so
and everything you have done for me
no one has ever done before
and i'll never let you go
baby i love you so
i'll never let you go
you mean the world to me
and baby the way you make me feel
whenever i'm alone with you isn't replaceable
there aint nothing wrong having someone to hold
i love 112
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sometimes i stare at the bed
knowing that no one's there
something is telling me
that you feel the way i do
i dream of you all the time
wishing that you were mine
i'm feeling so empty
hoping you think of me
i need you here tonight
if i'm all alone
and you're all alone
ain't nothing wrong having someone to hold
your tender touch
it means so much
cause it feels so right having someone to hold
it's very plain to see
i want you next to me
give me your hand
and i'll try to understand
i love you so, i can't let you go
cause ain't nothing wrong having someone to hold
every now and then
i get to wondering
are you with someone else
or could you be by yourself
i turn on the tv
it's a picture of you and me
and i'm going crazy
cause i miss my baby
i want you here tonight
i love you so
and everything you have done for me
no one has ever done before
and i'll never let you go
baby i love you so
i'll never let you go
you mean the world to me
and baby the way you make me feel
whenever i'm alone with you isn't replaceable
there aint nothing wrong having someone to hold
i love 112
20.5.04
judgement day is coming. oh shizzle. =(
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18.5.04
frustration
feeling afraid, anxious, cautious, over joyed, overwhelmed, not ready. save me please X(
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14.5.04
To forget everything and move on,
I had to throw you away,
Do you understand why my heart towards you had to stop?
At times, I couldn't be your strength
I no longer wanted to be the burden,
If I'm still in your heart,
erase me because you won't be happy,
To be with you was like a child's dream,
To fly free, I had to set you free from me,
Forget me, goodbye
Although I said that the times we had were meaningless,
truthfully, they were the most important times of my life,
Don't just leave me with painful memories...
To be with you was like a child's dream,
To fly free, I had to set you free from me,
But I do love you...just know that,
Maybe you'll forget, but I won't,
Forever, like this
To be with you was like a child's dream,
To fly free, I had set you free from me,
Forget me, Forever
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I had to throw you away,
Do you understand why my heart towards you had to stop?
At times, I couldn't be your strength
I no longer wanted to be the burden,
If I'm still in your heart,
erase me because you won't be happy,
To be with you was like a child's dream,
To fly free, I had to set you free from me,
Forget me, goodbye
Although I said that the times we had were meaningless,
truthfully, they were the most important times of my life,
Don't just leave me with painful memories...
To be with you was like a child's dream,
To fly free, I had to set you free from me,
But I do love you...just know that,
Maybe you'll forget, but I won't,
Forever, like this
To be with you was like a child's dream,
To fly free, I had set you free from me,
Forget me, Forever
2.5.04
distracted
soooo distracted wishing i could say something and not have to face the repercussions, the rejection, the let down. its so discouraging at times but you think things will change if you persevere. everyone's heard that "if you want it bad enough, you'll get it" crap but everyone knows its not true, you cant believe in things like that stupid stupid words like that is what makes a person go insane. you could want with all your heart, and you'd never get it. a very amazing thing indeed. i hate falling, espcially when you know you shouldnt. dammit.
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