29.2.04
frustrated! seriously today is one of those 'i-should-beat-myself-to-a-bloody-pulp' kind of days. haha shit so much stuff can happen over four days. so much thats absolutely indescribably- in a way- heart wrenching. i've again, fallen for the one i said i wouldnt fall for because well yea but ionno he has a way with words that just makes you melt... GOD DAMN SMOOTH TALKER! @#!%!!!! sick sick sick. and all the things he says! i know they're not true... but i believe them anyway. what the shit is wrong with me?! i dont get it. gsus i should take control of my emotions, i always fall way too easily, always. its retarded.
its also retarded how i think i have friends. i can definately see why people wouldnt want to be around me and stuff but if they're going to do it they should atleast have the decency to tell me to my face. it hurts the most when you have to find out for yourself that they dont want to be associated with you. like atleast whenthey tell you to your face you know right away. but when you find out for yourelf you find out that the whole thing has been a lie. i dont know theres something about finding out for yourself that makes things always a little harder to take than having someone tell you. so i wish you guys would just tell me. christ. i feel like such a loner. like seriously, i have no one to talk to, no one i can vent to; ive resorted to this blog as my outlet for emotional stress. seriously, its f'ing pathetic.
and because of my wrecklessness of emotional outlet, my parents think im crazy and my sisters want to beat the shit out of me. well... no surprise there. if i werent me id want to be the shit out of me too. ionno im thinking of leaving for a few days but ive got no where to go. i really really want to get away from here. jeez there are so many things i want to say to so many people, namely people i thought i was close with, but i cant and i know whats stopping me. and i cant change it. even if i wanted to, which i do.
really
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its also retarded how i think i have friends. i can definately see why people wouldnt want to be around me and stuff but if they're going to do it they should atleast have the decency to tell me to my face. it hurts the most when you have to find out for yourself that they dont want to be associated with you. like atleast whenthey tell you to your face you know right away. but when you find out for yourelf you find out that the whole thing has been a lie. i dont know theres something about finding out for yourself that makes things always a little harder to take than having someone tell you. so i wish you guys would just tell me. christ. i feel like such a loner. like seriously, i have no one to talk to, no one i can vent to; ive resorted to this blog as my outlet for emotional stress. seriously, its f'ing pathetic.
and because of my wrecklessness of emotional outlet, my parents think im crazy and my sisters want to beat the shit out of me. well... no surprise there. if i werent me id want to be the shit out of me too. ionno im thinking of leaving for a few days but ive got no where to go. i really really want to get away from here. jeez there are so many things i want to say to so many people, namely people i thought i was close with, but i cant and i know whats stopping me. and i cant change it. even if i wanted to, which i do.
really
4.2.04
難過
Feeling miserable
是因為悶了很久
It’s because I've been depressed for too long
是因為想了太多
It’s because I've thought too much
是心理起了作用
It’s a psychological effect from the heart
你說 苦笑常常陪著你
You say that forced smile is always around you
在一起有點勉強
We're only reluctantly being together
該不該現在休了我
Should you just leave me right now?
不想太多
Shouldn't think too much
我想一定是我
I think it’s definitely me
聽錯弄錯搞錯
Who heard wrong and did it wrong
拜託 我想是你的腦袋有問題
Please, I think it’s the problem with your head
隨便說說
Casually saying
其實我早已經猜透看透不想多說
I've already guessed it and seen it, but don't want to say more
只是我怕眼淚撐不住
I’m just scared that I can't withhold my tears
不懂 你的黑色幽默
I don't understand your black humor
想通 卻又再考倒我
I've thought it through, but you came and puzzled me again
說散 你想很久了吧
Splitting up, have you thought about it for long?
我不想拆穿你
I don't want to expose you
當作 是你開的玩笑
I'll just treat it as a joke you made up
想通 卻又再考倒我
I've thought it through, but you came and puzzled me again
說散 你想很久了吧
Splitting up, have you thought about it for long?
敗給你的黑色幽默
I’ve been defeated by your black humor
說散 你想很久了吧
Splitting up, have you thought about it for long?
我的認真敗給黑色幽默
My seriousness has been defeated by your black humor
