27.2.05
orange days: episode two
THEY ARE SO COOOOL!!!! THREE DAYS OF SEARCHING! keita is so cute! maaannnnnnnnn AND KAI!!! so stupid =( maho is cuuute but sae is cool. =) if you enjoy the oc you would enjoy this series! its only eleven or tweleve episodes though =(
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orange days
the new oc! in japanese! why cant you guys all be like that?
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26.2.05
errr
sooo ididnt go to the library and i am only half done bio and i started looking for my cool stickes and then i found all of these old letters and notes and pictures and everything and i stopped for like an hour to read them all especially the little grad photos that people sign and pass out. what happened to all the people that said we'd be friends forever? what happened to keeping in touch? this isnt to say that i havnt come to have new friends in my life but at this time i was hoping that maybe i would still talk to some so of the people i knew in junior high. maybe its unrealistic but maybe i'll see them down the road in 20 years. who knows. anyway grad poster is waiting!
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24.2.05
thoughts...
and impulses. the ultimate what ifs that haunt you for ever. what IF. amazing how a two letter word can hold so much authority over a person's actions. what if i told? what if you knew? what if it happened? what if? what if? what if? why am i living in regret? oh! wait i know the answer to that, because im socially insecure and i fear what others think about me. was that the right answer?
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23.2.05
riddles?
yah i was doing riddles all night and now my brain is broken!
question:
eye|strike|twenty-one|excess
answer:
???
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question:
eye|strike|twenty-one|excess
answer:
???
21.2.05
no matter...
how many times you say that it doesnt matter, deep down inside you can't help thinking that it does. you can tell yourself that you dont care about what others think of you, that you dont care about what you wear, or who your friends are. but in reality i believe that you're always trying to impress someone, that inorder to impress you have to look a certain way, and maybe, in looking a certain way you can make some new friends and move up a rung or two on that horrifically out of shape social ladder. whatever "you'll never change what's been and gone"
anyway feeling kind of angry at the world, at people. i dont think it's so much anger as it is envy and desperation and apathy and annoyance all rolled into one. there are things that i really want to say, but i know if i did they would compromise the situation of things. tensions right now are high but i dont think it's that noticable. everyone seems to be getting along, but at one wrong word people are going off like time bombs. if its not now, and not two hours from now, it will be two days or two weeks from now. "no body knows the way it's gonna be"
been listening to some old oasis. never thought music could feel this good. things feel like they're passing "faster than a cannon ball"
dreading school tomorrow i know i should have studied a bit this weekend for the tests that are coming up next week but yah i dont know. whatever it'll all come back to bite me anyway. oh well i'll "just try not to worry
i dont understand why people tell you to have dreams in life. seriously its such a horrible thing to tell kids because its such a let down when they learn that they cant have everything they want no matter if they want it that badly. somethings just shouldnt be taught, i really think that's one it them. by telling them they would just be "throwing it all away"
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anyway feeling kind of angry at the world, at people. i dont think it's so much anger as it is envy and desperation and apathy and annoyance all rolled into one. there are things that i really want to say, but i know if i did they would compromise the situation of things. tensions right now are high but i dont think it's that noticable. everyone seems to be getting along, but at one wrong word people are going off like time bombs. if its not now, and not two hours from now, it will be two days or two weeks from now. "no body knows the way it's gonna be"
been listening to some old oasis. never thought music could feel this good. things feel like they're passing "faster than a cannon ball"
dreading school tomorrow i know i should have studied a bit this weekend for the tests that are coming up next week but yah i dont know. whatever it'll all come back to bite me anyway. oh well i'll "just try not to worry
i dont understand why people tell you to have dreams in life. seriously its such a horrible thing to tell kids because its such a let down when they learn that they cant have everything they want no matter if they want it that badly. somethings just shouldnt be taught, i really think that's one it them. by telling them they would just be "throwing it all away"
a. i wonder what it would be like to live in a utopian society. would we still enjoy the good times as much as we do? would it be dull? what would we look forward to? would i still have to lock my door at night? i think it'd be interesting. but how long would it really last for? not for long i suppose, really because "nothing gold can stay".
b. so what better to do than nothing late on a sunday night. drown yourself in music and live a bunch of "what-if's" over and over in your head. what if i didnt act the way i do? what if i treated people differently? what if i left? what if i stayed? what if? what if? what if? followed by the "i should haves" of regret and the "i wills" of hope and confidence. maybe one day it'll be "i did".
c. i need some new books. recommendations greatly appreciated.
d. i should probably start studying for stuff.
e. i enjoyed today, except for the wind burn and the runny nose and the cold seat of my pants and the bruises. again next week. and then the week after that for real.
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b. so what better to do than nothing late on a sunday night. drown yourself in music and live a bunch of "what-if's" over and over in your head. what if i didnt act the way i do? what if i treated people differently? what if i left? what if i stayed? what if? what if? what if? followed by the "i should haves" of regret and the "i wills" of hope and confidence. maybe one day it'll be "i did".
c. i need some new books. recommendations greatly appreciated.
d. i should probably start studying for stuff.
e. i enjoyed today, except for the wind burn and the runny nose and the cold seat of my pants and the bruises. again next week. and then the week after that for real.
19.2.05
so it's been a...
five-movie-kind-of-day. very ughhghghghaseao;iweha today so blahand restless and confused and worried oh well tomorrow i hope will be a better day i hope i dont kill myself or break my neck or something. constantine was a good movie, if you havnt already checked it out you should. effects are awsome story is a little ehhh ehre and there but effects make up for that. watch and enjoy. next movie to watch:hitch.
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16.2.05
unexpected
i won an online contest. made my day actually. how cool.
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13.2.05
i want to smell the sunshine then set the clouds on fire.
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so
"if music is the food of love,play on" i feel like using a large font. i feel the need to climb somewhere high and just scream. scream and scream and scream until i fall. so i guess this will have to do. i think i should be worried that bio is due tomorrow and that there's a chem quiz tomorrow. but i dont really feel like caring about anything right now. what a crappy day. how to be dead? tell me.
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12.2.05
touch of class
pictures to your left. enjoy.
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inadequacy
is not a very nice feeling. do you see what you've done to me? im tired and i cant even sleep. get out of my head and leave me my sanity. just go.
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6.2.05
ugh
too tired to find the edit button so i will just make a new one. too shot down. too dejected. too plain. too fat. too short. too loud. too slow. too unfocused. too distant. too desperate. so fake. what to do? its a permanent red light. and it seems im stuck here for life. no headway at school. no headway at home. no headway with friends. sounds like a great week is ahead. [/sarcasm] i really dont think i'd be so disapointed had i not tried so hard. but i spent so much time and effort trying to understand it that when i got the results it felt horrible. if i cant even succeed after putting so much into it, what's going to happen to me? should i give up now? should i keep going in hopes of obtaining better results? i dont know what im doing wrong. just once i'd like to not fall flat on my face.
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Some say...
Some say we're never meant to grow up
I'm sure they never knew enough
I know the pressures won't go away
It's too late
Find out the difference somehow
It's too late to even have faith
Don't think things will ever change
You must be dreaming
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all
Believe me 'cause now's the time to try
Don't wait, the chance will pass you by
Time's up to figure it out
You can't say it's too late
Seems like everything we knew
Turned out we’re never even true
Don't trust, things will never change
You must be dreaming
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realise
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all
Some say we’'re better off without
Knowing what life is all about
I'm sure they'll never realise the way
It's too late
Somehow it's different everyday
In some ways it never fades away
Seems like it's never gonna change
I must be dreaming
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realise
I can do this on my own
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realise
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all
Believe me, it's alright
It's so easy after all
Believe me, it's alright
It's so easy after all
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I'm sure they never knew enough
I know the pressures won't go away
It's too late
Find out the difference somehow
It's too late to even have faith
Don't think things will ever change
You must be dreaming
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all
Believe me 'cause now's the time to try
Don't wait, the chance will pass you by
Time's up to figure it out
You can't say it's too late
Seems like everything we knew
Turned out we’re never even true
Don't trust, things will never change
You must be dreaming
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realise
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all
Some say we’'re better off without
Knowing what life is all about
I'm sure they'll never realise the way
It's too late
Somehow it's different everyday
In some ways it never fades away
Seems like it's never gonna change
I must be dreaming
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realise
I can do this on my own
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realise
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all
Believe me, it's alright
It's so easy after all
Believe me, it's alright
It's so easy after all
