23.10.06
there's something wrong...
when you feel like this. your stomach churns and tightens. everything starts to sting, your throat, your fingers, your eyes. you can hear your heart beat in your ears beating faster and faster. you want to be angry, and you are, but it lasts for less than a fraction of a second. you're so close to saying something and it just sits on the tip of your tongue with not enough behind it to make a sound. the signals are all mixed and scrambled and you only make out what you want to. simple things become complex and before you blink it's like you're lost in this labyrinth where your reality is just that. yours. at times like these, wishful thinking is your worst enemy and possibly the largest waste of time. i suppose it doesn't help when someone leads you to believe one thing but then tells you another. it's even worse when they know that they're doing it. so what i'm wondering is, do you know what you're doing? because i sure as hell don't. but i would like to, in hopes that it might solve this dilemma of mine. of course, it might just make it worse than it is already, but i highly doubt that.
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