19.6.05
things change. just getting into exam week and everything is all over. i cant focus and i feel like ive got ADD or something. right not would be a good time for some good downer music. its raining and i feel like crap and yah some good downer music would do me good. sleep is knocking at my door but i dont want to answer so i'll blog instead. so whats new with candice? i dont know. lots i think. i actually feel like im getting work done when i study, but that doesnt really stop me from feeling so inferior to others. everyone seems to have direction, everyone seems so motivated. everyone has talent, a hobbie, something. what do i have? nothing. it just seems that everything i do is for not. ive tried so many things, ive started projects, extra curriculars, but i can never seem to carry through. its like i was meant to suck at life and fail everything i try. its been a pretty horrible couple of weeks. definately crying weeks. fucking nervous breakdowns. my parents arnt helping in the least. i would give anything to be able to lock myself in my room and just stay in bed. useless. so useless. everything just seems so monotonous. i feel so confined lately. i want a new life. i want to move somewhere beautiful and start over. it would be amazing. i would be cool and i wouldnt have to pretend. things would be great. i would have friends and i'd go out. it'd be perfect. absolute perfection. sleep beckons.
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