28.1.05
why is it that...
days that are supposed to go well always end in a not so well epiphany? i was out with a few people today and it was like "..." i dont know what i'm doing anymore. like i thought that i had worked this out it just seems so i dont know. i just finished watching garden state and theres this one scene where the guy, andrew, is just sitting on this couch at a party. and he's just sitting there, and the everybody around him is speeding through everything. and that's what it feels like for me right now. not even now, its been like this for a long time and i guess i just thought that it would pass and everything would go back to normal but it didnt so i just feel so frustrated. i have not felt this shitty in a long time. when i got home i was fine too. i look around and it seems that everyone's got their own circle or whatever and that they've all got each other. and i sit there and wonder, who do i have? i sat there for five minutes trying to find something to say. god. it was retarded. i know i have friends, but friends are different from friends. i cant even talk to some people anymore that i consider to be my best friends. maybe its my insecurity that's stopping me from talking to people. maybe its my own fault for not trying enough to talk to them. maybe its my lack of trust in people. god. i hate people. i just feel so numb sometimes. and its like no matter how much i want to do something i can never seem to push myself as far as to go ahead and do it. who knew a day could start well and then end like it was the day from hell.
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