10.1.05
self mutilation?
my left hand is in extreme pain. i thought it would go away! ugh the middle fingeri think i hurt it last week when i was setting and it got jammed. it still hurts when i rub it. and TODAY! that stupid left hand tip! @#!$ jammed my thumb, i cant bend it now =) oh greaaat. i hope its nothing too serious. || its been finalized. im quitting piano. i dont like the word quitting, its like saying im giving it up forever. but im not because i'll still play those songs ive been playing all along but now i wont have to worry about the syllabus holding me back. its like a new found freedom. || i feel the need to accomplish something great. maybe now, maybe in my life. i just feel as though i need to contribute something to SOMEONE. ive felt so useless lately. i know i cant be a kid forever, and things have got to start chinging. im not saying that i should just stop doing things for fun because that would just be retarded, but i think that i should invest more of my time into something that will help me in my future, not necessarily school, but something that will give me an experience that i'll be able to put to use. it feels as though everyone around me is moving at the speed of light and i'm just standing there and they're all just passing me by, and by the time i reach out to touch them they're gone to things i'll never know. its insane. anyways its time to stop i have a bio write up to do and my thumb is killing me. i wonder if it will swell.
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